Childish Understandings VS Mature Living

WORLDLY IDENTITIES & CHILDISH UNDERSTANDINGS

VS

MATURE LIVING

By Tim Jacobs

The Philosopher Plato remarked that “the first and best victory is to conquer self, but to be conquered by self is, of all things, the most shameful and vile”. This saying is hundreds of years of old but still a priceless truth.

How does one conquer self you ask? It’s a beautiful process called self-reflection which is a conscience chosen path on the road of self-discovery; one instance of analysis of self with the acceptance of all “whys” to “what ifs” no matter how repulsive the truth is. Conquering the self would be the sum result of mastery of this process to have yourself primed properly to produce the greatest results to life’s tests and trials.

As a 31 year old man, I now take pride in knowing that I am driven at the core by the greatest results factor. I’ve tapped into my highest potential and grounded myself to the infinite power source which constantly gives me the clarity to see, know and understand. That only came from shedding the false skin which I picked up as a child, in the form of a worldly identity. A worldly identity I will define as a preconfigured ideal of a man, role model, figure of inspiration; one that can be put on by a young man and emulated by consistent takes and trys.

As I reflect on my childhood and what seemed to glamorous was the archetype of the “Gangsta”. This was the early 90’s – ’91, ’92, ’93. The creased khakis, the blue flannels, the g-Nikes and the mind state of “I don’t give a fuck and I’m down for whatever” that fueled my disobedience to my family and community. This worldly identity didn’t die out with my generation, nor did it go anywhere. Now in 2014, this ideal image is even more prevalent in the world we live in; Gangsta-ism permeates all of the USA and many foreign countries. The attitude alone no longer is just for the street but it’s in the TV shows we watch, the sports players we root for and being a Gangsta is no longer just limited to high crime areas but can be found in the most upstanding of communities; white, black, Hispanic, there is no longer a barrier to color when it comes to laying claim to this worldly identity.

What’s looked at as a rite of passage from boy to man, the claims to fame to gangbang – to be someone – to show your machismo in swear words and rebellion; to make your own rules only to pay the price of your life to do such is a lifestyle of a worldly identity that’s marketed to our world in a shiny package; marketed like it’s the ONE whether it’s a Gangsta image or a geek ideal. There are many personas and facades put on daily by each and every one of us.

The world façade comes from the Latin word that means “the mask one wears while performing” so we go back to the conquering self or allowing self to conquer us. We think we know ourselves but how many of us truly do? How many of us now grown, still live with childish agreements – stuff we learned in childhood and agreed was right back then and continues to build ourselves to who we are today only to do honest self-inspection to see that agreement was completely fraudulent bullshit that would limit and possibly totally wreck us?

There are many instances when we make decisions that don’t come from an authentic place in us. This place that is of us but at the same time isn’t. It’s a layer of us, of our identity and this identity we have adapted it over our lifetime; allowing it to be shaped in authentically by our environment and our peers within it, world views and majority opinions and many other ways that produce beliefs that allow the world to conquer your true self. All actions are guided by beliefs. Your beliefs can and will drive all of your long term behavior whether you’re conscience of it or not. Knowing your beliefs guide your behavior, you must feel called to take the magnifying glass to yourself as well as to the beliefs that constitute the belief of the person you are.

Start by asking yourself “what word defines me?” Break that down and keep digging with every find. You can tell a lot about yourself by the words we use to describe ourselves. Another question would be “who do you model yourself after?” and upon discovery of that answer, you can do some more introspection to how many of your beliefs come from preconfigured understandings and beliefs which are truly yours from life’s experiences.

Growing up in a gang culture, one word such as blood or crip drew the lives on the picture of the person said to be. The actions one takes in life arise out of these identities. If you define yourself as a “G”, you tailor everything you do to fit that imprint. From your walk to your talk and dress and most importantly, your thinking! If your thinking is restricted or dominated, your life, your future, your potential are all handicapped. You can only go so far. Usually everything outside of the model is excluded and deemed off brand, weird or dumb. As a child, these worldly identities come about by criticism and ridicule that a child lacks the courage to shrug off and instead conforms to; limiting his individuality. A child will adapt. He will modify his belief of what’s right to get the target off his back and therefore, change his actions and embrace a pointless status quo; not caring he’s doing so at the price of his own identity.

As I reflect back on my youth and the mind frame I operated out of was a collective force of worldly misunderstandings that were constantly amplified by the music, friends, environments and liquor that were in every step of my everywhere. The true essence of my God-given image was silenced and tarnished and held hostage by a worldly identity.

Looking back at my life, I now realize I was never born to instinctively know how to steal, kill and harm others. These things I was taught by observation or in a nighttime tutorial. I had to learn retaliation. I had to learn how to not give a fuck. Naturally, I gave a fuck. I learned these things as a code to an identity I chose to romanticize because they reflected manhood to me in its purest form. The identity I took on meant adhering to the certain commandments no matter what. Anything less would only be taking away from my identity; being “real” was the stamp of official-ness. This is where that inferiority complex kicks in once more as a buffer for this worldly identity. Naturally, one knows better but what one has been shown by ones in higher position of respect conflicts with his intuition and once again for a child without the strength, courage and fortitude, the programming is input and executed. After so many acts of doing, the edge is taken off and it’s regular programming… mind washing.

We all have choices but we all don’t possess all the right elements to make the right ones and these mistakes in choosing understandings in childhood that we take into adulthood can severely handicap us from a high level of success. Through the process of conquering self by the way of self-reflection, I now can discern what truly is intimately me what is projected on me which allows for a strong stride in life and peaceful sleep at night.

No longer do I have to conform to “big homies” or premade Gangsta ideologies. I can now appreciate differences in myself and in others. I am no longer only embracing my own and the ones of the same as if I was some sort of prehistoric caveman. My actions are now guided by what truly has to be done to have longevity and integrity.

I can now zoom in on my uniqueness which has turned in my star quality – or should I say, always was to begin with but I was just not being strong and brave enough to embrace it and let it shine. My strengths are now more evident since I dug so deep and cleared away the dirt away and removed all the worldly-false layers; layers that the world sold me based on lies. But light (truth) always makes darkness (ignorance) flee. When I asked Myself questions like “what defines me as a man?” - “who am I?” – “why, what’s the point?” and allowed the truth to be built upon, I was able to start to live an authentic life; a life guided by the most high, with a purpose that’s spiritual and greater than anything temporal like these worldly identities.

I now know everything that takes place in my life is part of my evolution into the greatest man I can possibly be. We stay stuck in childish lifestyles by choices we made in childhood that have willingly chased us into adulthood all behind not wanting to be deemed fake by others. But these others tend to have more paint on their face than us. How can one live as a mature-grown man, successful in his endeavors if his actions still stem from childish beliefs that were learned in the sandbox of life, beliefs adopted out of pressure and duress? You can’t. It’s just a matter of time before fire consumes you.